The Morning After

We called our lawyer first thing in the morning. We needed answers and advise so we would know what direction we would take this. He told us that now the mom would be fighting for custody and even if she wins full custody it would not be in her power to choose adoption. Now that the birth father registered for his rights he too would have to sign a release of rights to us. At this point all that was left for us to do is cheer and support team birth mom and go home empty handed and back to square one with adoption.

Our second phone call of the morning was to the mom. With heavy hearts we told her what our lawyer said. She said that is exactly what her lawyer told her this morning too. We told her that we decided to go back home the next day, Daniel’s school was starting and so we might as well get back and get ready for life to continue on.

We wanted to see her and the little guy. We meet up at the hospital that afternoon. We sat and talked, but every time I looked at him I started to cry. We hadn’t gotten the chance to take pictures of us three and the baby (we had been planning on taking those pics at the signing), so we did a little photo session. We may not have the best pictures; the mom and I were comparing who had redder, puffier eyes from crying. It was still nice to get the pictures though. It was hard being at the hospital, so we didn’t stay very long. That and the mom was going to start/learn how to breastfeed and needed privacy for that. But we told her to stop by the house we were staying at because we had some stuff to give her.

Some dear friends of ours live just an hour or two from where we were staying so they said they’d come over after work and hang out with us for the evening. I love having a distraction when I am grieving. I like to have fun and pretend/forget that I hurt. We hadn’t seen these friends in over two years, they have a son we’d hadn’t met. It was so nice catching up with them. We had a nice quiet dinner at home (I wasn’t ready to be out in public for any extended amount of time – you never know when the crying will start again!), and they got us dessert and we just hung out and chatted. I loved it! It was so nice of them to come all that way for us. We have amazing people in our life, we really are so blessed.

The mom did stop by that evening as well. We gave her everything we had brought with us. We had brought enough stuff to stay there a week with a baby, just in case we weren’t allowed to go home immediately. It wasn’t everything she’d need, but it was a good starter kit – diapers, wash cloths, boppy, sling/wrap, wipes, shampoo, baby book, blankets, onesies. I mean this poor girl was not financially, emotionally or physically ready to bring a kid home because that was never the plan. We wanted to help out as much as we could. And at this point she needed it more than we did, that’s for sure.

The next morning we packed the car. I wanted to stop by the hospital one last time. We asked the mom if that would be okay and of course she said yes because she is the biggest sweetheart in the world. We stopped by just for a minute. The baby was still in the incubator under the blue lights. I put my hand on him, still aching for him to be mine, but today I knew he wasn’t, never would be. And it hurt, but it was okay because he has a great mom, who loves him. She really will be a great mom, I should say is a great mom not will be, because she already is and he’s a lucky kid that he has so many people that love him. We hugged her goodbye, took a box of Kleenex from the hospital and drove home.