Being Mom and Dad

I couldn’t sleep – and the reason wasn’t because I was on a fold out hospital chair. I just wanted to hold that beautiful baby in my arms.

The hospital staff set us up in a room in the post-delivery section, so that we could come down and feed and change diapers.

Finally, at 4 a.m. I woke Daniel up and we headed down to the NICU. It was a little intimidating trying to hold him because of all the wires and tubes that I didn’t want to pull out or mess up. A nurse helped Daniel get situated to do skin on skin contact with our little guy. There is no way to describe the joy and love expressed on Daniel’s face. He was instantly a proud, loving father. I started taking pictures and sent some out to our family and friends, introducing them to this new little guy. We had some great nurses who answered all the random questions we had.

About mid-morning our birth mom came down to the NICU. We chatted with her and she said she was doing better this morning, but still sore from delivery. We left to let her have time with the little guy. She was still very firm in her decision to place for adoption, but she also loved this baby so much, and we wanted to make sure she had as much time with him as she wanted and that we didn’t impose on her. The little guy looks so much like his mother, his nose, his ears, his stormy blue eyes.

While she was with the little guy we decided to go take a nap, we could sleep knowing that someone who loved him was holding him. This time also gave us a chance to go get showered, eat some food, and buy some flowers for her (we had already given her a “hospital survival kit,” but we wanted to get flowers to brighten up her room). She texted us when she was getting too tired to hold him and we headed back over to the NICU to switch places.

Between the three of us that little boy was never put down unless the nurses needed to do their check up on him. He never got real thrilled about eating, but Daniel was the best at getting him to eat. Sometimes I’d have to tickle his feet to keep him awake long enough to eat as much as the nurses wanted him too. And I wish that I had video of the first time that I changed his diaper, it was like a comedy routine. I was scrubbing his tar-like poop off his bum and then he started to poop some more. I was using so many wipes! And then he peed all over. I felt so incompetent. But in my defense it was hard because well, it’s true, I am an amateur, but also I was trying to do it in the incubator and with all his tubes and wires still attached and a nurse watching over my shoulder. I’ll admit it made me feel a little better when Daniel changed a diaper later that day and the same thing happened to him. We definitely use more wipes than the nurses needed to. J

After our birth mom got a nap and a chance to feel human again she came back down to see the little guy. Because of the complications during delivery she would need to stay in the hospital another day before being released. Her adoption case worker decided to wait and sign papers until the next night when she was released from the hospital. This was the worst decision ever…