Infertility

Adoption has always been a thought in the back of my mind. As a teenager my menstrual cycles were abnormal, but doctors brushed it off as me being young and my body trying to figure things out. From then on I knew adoption could be a part of my future.
What I didn't expect was how hard it is to deal with infertility.
January 2008 we started our journey. We had just graduated from college and were trying to settle down. We thought the timing would be just right and we'd have a baby in the fall.
A year passed by and still no baby. There were a couple false alarms, but the pregnancy test stick always came out negative. It is hard on you emotionally to get your hopes up and then knocked down when you see that negative sign. After that first year we realized we'd have to do more than just hope and try.
I started keeping a daily health log, taking my temperature to figure out my ovulation. Then buying ovulation tests and peeing on a stick every day of the month and getting so frustrated trying to figure out if I was ovulating or not. Often I would bleed so heavy and with massive clots I thought I might be having a miscarriage. Then there are months at a time that I wouldn't bleed at all. My hormones were all over the place.
After almost two years we came to the conclusion that we couldn't do this on our own. The next phase - doctor visits. I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Two out of ten women have PCOS. There is no cure and they don't know how or why women have it. So everything the doctor does is really just trial and error. PCOS means my eggs never develop and release from my ovaries. They stay in cyst form and build up. In other words I don't ovulate; Infertile.
There are of course other side effects of PCOS that I have to deal with besides infertility. My side effects include weight gain, especially around the mid section, excessive body hair, loss of hair from your head, acne, abnormal menstrual cycles, loss of energy, and moodiness. Just what every girl wants, right?
I started with having a healthy diet and exercise to try to lose weight. The doctor prescribed Metformin. It didn't work, so the doctor added Clomid. Clomid is meant to make you ovulate. So here Daniel and I are again, me peeing on sticks trying to catch the right time to make a baby. It doesn't matter if Daniel or I are "in the mood" or not. If we want a baby we've got to try right then.
Nothing was working. Daniel was tested, my doses were raised, there were more pills. Pills to make me bleed, pills to make me ovulate, pills for hormones, pills for who knows what.
I was done. Drained emotionally and tired physically. I think that if any of the medication would have worked my body would have canceled it out because of all my stress from trying to have a baby. It was time to take a step back. We stopped "trying" for a couple of months, hoping to let my body rest and reset. Of course secretly we were wishing that by simplifying we would miraculously get pregnant. We didn't.
When we were ready to try again I was done with doctors and their trial and error medications. This time we went a natural route. I started having acupuncture done and taking vitamins and herbal supplements. At first it seemed like it was helping, but then before long my body went back to its old tricks.
At this point I found a new doctor, one that is highly specialized for infertility. Things had been going OK, but still no baby in my belly.